yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
