If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
