I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
