I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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