You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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