its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
