i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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