remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
