we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
