the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
