the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
