Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
