dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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