Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
