i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
