the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize