then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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