You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i will never coherently bang her
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
