You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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