Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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