im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
