does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
