PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
