I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
