When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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