It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
