Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
