It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
