Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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