I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I need a hoe opinion
go on
His nipple licking is glorious
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