A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
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Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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