I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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