every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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