highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
