The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize