OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
