Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
