I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
