call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
