btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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