Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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