You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
