when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
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Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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