nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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