She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
