its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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