i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
