some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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