Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
