He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
