I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
