apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
