This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
