I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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