one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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