I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
