we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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